I'm trying to use my journal more again! Mostly a fresh slate as the majority of the old entries are privatised. Nobody needs to see those.

Anon is on: comment to be added and if I know you, I'll add you back. These days I do a lot of writing; you can find me on AO3 at bowblade or on twitter at ylissean.

You can find my muselist over here. I'm largely retired from RP due to my M.E. but sometimes the mood strikes.

I am giving away old journal names for muses I no longer have. Please check this thread.

Post-Shadowbringers adventures continue. Last week I did all the Nier raids (my beloved) and Eden 1-8, which I only paused on as you can't do 9-12 until Thancred and Urianger leave the First. I also did 5.1 this week - I really like 5.1 as it wraps up a lot of quandries leftover by SHB itself in that you don't really get a lot of time to see Eulmore out the other side of their leader abandoning them and their recovery from the influence of meol. You see a little, Alphinaud asks the important question of the next step being the most important one to take, and it is somewhat understandably rushed to keep the pacing, but it's largely reactive, and not on a day to day basis - how do they keep the change to their society going? How do they reach a stage that I, the player, can feel confident in giving the benefit of the doubt to them, when previously I hated being in Eulmore for any length of time due to being so disgusted by it? 5.1 answers that. Ran'jit gets one throwaway mention in npc dialogue, proving how pointless he was to the narrative at large. 5.1 also majorly introduces a cure for tempering being put on the table, something that has been dogging the wol since Ifrit in ARR, and Alisaie truly is the kindest person in this entire game ;w; she is always thinking of others before herself and her own well-being, always.

I started Bozja this weekend! Partly for glam, partly as Khlip has to go for Prih lore related reasons... an eagle for an eagle... I did try to queue in for Gaius weapons, but after 25 min at peak times I had to give up... I do really enjoy there's a bunch of side content for SHB that's introduced to you in msq and voiced, it makes it feel more mandatory, and a lot of it is on the Source so you get to catch up on the war with Garlemald that the wol has largely been absent for. I should maybe-hopefully get through to 5.3 during this week, although I am not looking forward to Elidibus wol... I've done this fight twice legit and remember nothing of it due to the sheer amount of pain it caused me so we'll see how bad it is for me past graphic update.

Overwatch had its launch, rewards are bugged (lol) because ofc they are. This means if you wanted to get both branches of rewards for the lore event you can't, they've been broken for four days of seven, yay :) couple this with unplayable lag on psn for day one, endless disconnects, five new heroes and a bunch of genuinely new players and tourists and it's been a little hellish. Due to the servers being so flunky I haven't touched stadium yet this season, as competitive points are also bugged and no way I am relying on up in the air promises of retroactively applied points for that, no thank you. Aim assist promises also did not pan out... there has been no new lore bites since launch, I'm antsy about Ashe but even more "okay but you should really do a lens for Overwatch the organisation atp given the attack on their main base, surely???" but no, no.

Sanrio is not my thing but Kuromi Widowmaker has invaded my brain, she's so cute. She has moogle wings (to me).

Of the new heroes, I have ended in the wild state of... not liking the three female characters at all, LMAO. ( in my boys era )

Once the bugs are fixed (maybe??) I will get my gold weapons and decide what I want this year for comp... I have to add to the girls list, and seemingly Mizuki at this rate... the Crimson Wolf red looks much better in game as expected, except for the caveat of the Talon watermark all over the weapons, woops. It looks okay on thin weapons or designs where the red isn't applied to the bulk but the wrapping instead, which does mean it looks good on Ashe's mythic gun, and that's important to me. It also looks good on Wuyang P5 Joker, I may have to do it for Joker... and perhaps some of the other "evil" skins we have like Infinite Empire, Mirrorwatch Talon/normal Talon, we'll see.

They did however change 2/3rds of my mains in stadium so we'll see what the climb is like when I get back to it. I may have to learn stadium Orisa in earnest. Here comes horse.

Finished base Shadowbringers, once again. Goodness it's so peak. Ryne breaking away from her fated life of passivity, choosing to fight for herself, much the reflection of stasis in light and activity in darkness... Emet-Selch being the only villain to get down onto your level, repeatedly, over eons, and you were the sundered's last chance and he still found you wanting. How he has spent millennia wanting to get back someone who sacrificed themselves and that sticks in the weave when he makes for himself his memory of a city. A city that is vast and beautiful and haunting and then he shows you it being destroyed. That you cannot be stewards to a star plagued by something that they in their infinite wisdom did not understand. That he misses and grieves the fractured soul of the one he was told to forget... only for you to have been in front of him this whole time. The loneliness, the grief almost destroyed him. He brought his all to bear against you... and lost. There's no fanfare on his defeat, because you understand the lengths he would go to to save the world completely, as you have likewise done the same. Greatest villain of all time.

And G'raha's yearning and the soft smiles between him and the wol in the moments after when he picks up the mantle of narrator, man, no wonder I folded. He is in love with the ideal of you but has come to know you again yourself and I cry, I cry so much. I love a catboy.

I don't know if I'll go into Endwalker right away with Khlip, I might break with a different game first and then come back to it, but my plan is to play through to 5.3 at least for maximum catboy feelings - before that I need to do Cylva's quest tomorrow so I can have her for the inn scene. I'm also going to get nier and probably Eden up, though the prior is priority. Nier glam is simply too good.

I did have to take a break over the weekend for drives in Overwatch so finishing SHB was a little belated after doing Amaurot - drives started a day later than usual (Friday instead of Thursday) which meant I had to face the weekend crowd and it was the epitome of hell. Friday I made it through three tiers easily enough, Saturday I watched my score be twenty away from the threshold three times and it was so gruelling, I've never had it so bad before 💀 I spent nine continuous hours at just that one tier rip. It's done, though! And best of all I at least reached my six month long gold weapon's for all women competitive points grind with one to spare, so next week I'll pick those up.

As for the spare... we're getting a spotlight tomorrow of what's to come in the next year (harrowing, anxiety laden experience) so we'll see how many women get revealed as heroes for the roster, if any. My wishes for heroes are almost entirely omnics atp but there have been feelers for precisely none of them so I don't hold out much hope. Give! Robots!! Put!!! Max!! In!!! The game!!!!

"But Rems he's an accountant not a fighter" I DONT CARE he owns a casino though he's not allowed to gamble and is set up in Monaco, give him shit with cards and suits and luck and probability and calling in hits, he's the longest standing lore hero that isn't in the game at this point. He has a voice! He has recorded lines! He's the most intriguing of the lot as he modified himself to be more palatable to humans, so he blinks, he does idle motions with his hands, give me Max.

And also Bars. I want Ashe's second ok. And Luna. I'm going to make a songstress work somewhere ok.

Otherwise my wishes are fairly basic: I want Ashe lore, I want old battlepass content made available for Ashe cosmetics, and I want new maps. But I'm worried about all the change-ups they're going to put in for no real reason again, especially when this season was already a mess thanks to the aim assist being shoehorned in that will finally be reverted next week, just in time for whatever else they do... weeps.

I'm also wary of Vendetta and what they're doing with her as they're pushing her extremely hard, and after a whole season of it I figured out that my problem with is it's all set up right now with no pay off (yet).

( the wolf in the room: Vendetta )

I have done these quests in their entirety five times - Khlip is the sixth. Everytime I watch every cutscene and I love them just as much as I did then.

( Cardinal virtues )

Song silked. There are no more bugs.

Unless the speedrun trophies successfully tempt me...

( Read more... )

This includes all optional bosses that are accessible on the map during Act 2, except for Voltnest (which is technically accessible with some funky jumping but it's inconsistent getting up to it without Silk Soar, so no, I'll do that in 3) and defeating the final boss of Act 2 whilst cursed.

( Read more... )

So here I am, at the start of year ten. Ten years since I was was last well, and was unceremoniously written out of society and all common life milestones... and I'll likely still be in the same position at the start of year twenty, and thirty, if I make it that long.

On the plus side, bad days are done for another year. For the first time in many years, I didn't feel my grief for it as profoundly as I usually do: I was very mellow, I only cried once (and that was over thinking about Ashe experiencing healing from receiving love from her chosen family on days she would have felt most lonely) (I want her to be cherished so badly), and the 25th was blissful in the sense of how silent it was. Not a single sound that was not being made by me or allowed into my periphery. Beautiful. My entire block of flats is empty right now, and there was no street noise at all for over twelve hours and what this tells me is I need to move to the middle of the moors or something lmao, noise sensitivity is a continuous curse. :') I will get a little repeat of this for NYD, so that will be nice.

I've also reached the point, after perhaps six years, of not... missing it? This is normality to me now. I still yearn and want things, but there comes a year you get really bent out of shape about it and cry a lot, and that's kind of the acceptance that you won't ever get to do those things again. It still hurts sometimes because ofc it does, but it's not destroying you anymore. I still have to avoid any and all mention of what those days are, but it's something?

I've been mostly playing Silksong for three days, interspersed with occasionally tidying in the other bedroom by flattening boxes/packaging when my brain has been too on fire from atmospheric pressure. I'm reaching a point of most of my furniture projects being ninety percent done individually so need to go through everything temporarily stored again to tackle what's leftover... and continue with Silksong. I'm almost through Act 1, so I'll make a post about bosses soon, I think. It's been frustratingly fun and a fantastic distraction when I needed it most.