I'm trying to use my journal more again! Mostly a fresh slate as the majority of the old entries are privatised. Nobody needs to see those.

Anon is on: comment to be added and if I know you, I'll add you back. These days I do a lot of writing; you can find me on AO3 at bowblade or on twitter at ylissean.

You can find my muselist over here. I'm largely retired from RP due to my M.E. but sometimes the mood strikes.

I am giving away old journal names for muses I no longer have. Please check this thread.

So when I said, "at the end of the season I'll have enough comp points for Juno's galactic", what I really meant was, "at the start of week four". I have simply been playing too much stadium by myself as well as with my duo woops. I made it to contender for dps (playing Ashe ofc), and whilst figuring out a D.Va build successfully made it into and skyrocketed through novice on tank very quickly. I used some of the suggested builds for inspo whilst also cooking with my own know-how of what is invaluable and it paid off.

I'm still one tricking Juno for support though, and I successfully got to pro 4!! The ranks are rookie, novice, contender, elite, then pro with five divisions in each, so kind of significant progress. Three more divisions and I'll be in all star and receive a terribly ugly skin for my efforts. Today the server full kicked me and despite having to do a full console restart, fortunately I was back before people left and we managed to turn it around and reverse sweep 4-3 😭😭 Juno build good.

BUT, GALACTIC TIME.




It looks sooooo nice with her Celestial skin; some of the space themed skins have galaxy textures that are static, like a fixed point of space, no matter how the model moves or rotates, and this one is the same. It matches perfectly because it's almost identically coloured, it's just a little more blue.



Bonus evil magical girl sharkies because I still love this select animation too. Dokiwatch you'll always be famous.

My body has been very bleh about food but has allowed me to go to bed much more reasonably than say, 8am, so now, hopefully zzz. More furniture assembly courtesy of my dad on Monday so I need a little energy for it.

See title... Estelline fic is requiring a lot more work than I believed it would as I continue to trim on every pass, and whilst I do of course still love it, I desperately want to be done with it so I can go back to writing about ouihaw... this is what happens when you finish Heavensward and vaguely start Stormblood and that's no longer the vibe you're looking for. I've also just been struggling with words and worth in general - I probably need a break, but I feel like I'm constantly having a break when there's days I can't write and I have to write so I don't go crazy!! It's tough. The first five chapters/27k is up, though. C6 and C7 are finalised, C8 is next.

In my "I miss my girls" state, I opened up the sims 4 after not doing so since last December and spent thirteen hours over last weekend moving my ouihaw yeehaw ranch save from a 30x20 lot to a 64x64 lot and instead of building from scratch, used the pre-existing blueprint to make each room ever so slightly bigger, so it keeps the cozy country vibes but it's not as pokey and the daughters have actual individual rooms now. And the horsies have a paddock and space to roam 🥹 I do not recommend building like this it was a nightmare, although it was worth it. I'll take some screenshots of the new and improved house next time I play.

And in the trifecta of "I MISS ASHE TAILS I MISS HER A LOT" let's talk about my Ashe stadium build.

( For a girl who was so against stadium pre-launch I sure do talk about it a lot... )

My body screamed over sesame seeds for ten days and finally calmed down. Me eating hummus like, so why don't you care about this, it's sesame. Body shrugs. More hummus please.

I seem to have escaped grocery PEM entirely other than same day, and a little when I woke up that turned out to be needing to eat. I'm so used to being useless through Friday or Sunday, this hasn't happened for over a year. I'm not going to do anything crazy with it, but I was able to write today, whereas usually I'd have to give it a wide berth until Friday at the earliest. I do have to do some tidying though, because next week new furniture time begins!! Futureproofing my living space is go. My dad has been onboard with it as a concept and willing to go collect orders from Ikea for me and then assemble it after, I'm very fortunate.

After some thought, I decided on D.Va for the second galactic weapon over Juno, since Juno has. Barely any skins on account of being still relatively new. Whereas D.Va has tons and many of them combo really well with the purple, only one of my favourites doesn't, soooo...




Yes Nocturna has sidecar bunnies wearing Squirtle squad sunglasses. Their names are Persephone and Adonis and I love them.

From playing Stadium - me and duo are doing one or two games a night, depending on length - I should have enough comp points by the end of the season for a third galactic weapon, and from drives, a fourth! Those will be for Juno and Brigitte. Next season I'll be saving up again for likely Ashe, but also mystery tank lady releasing in November/December, because she might be an omnic and wolf themed and a gladiator and hngh. I kind of still like the all women with golds idea, too... it's too on brand...

I've ventured into playing some Ashe in stadium and after I figured out a build that plays to my strengths and also embraces how gimmicky stadium is, it's been bangin'. Literally. Lots of dynamite. Lots of fire. The first game I went in on the other dps threw a tantrum because Ashe apparently doesn't win stadium games and proceeded to pull out their throw pick and afk for multiple rounds, and we won 4v5, so, :') the build with my duo on Mercy works, ok. Slowly but surely we'll get out of rookie and novice leagues again, maybe.

Relating to absolutely nothing, these two victory poses match. This is entirely a stick-up. I'm having so many thoughts.

This was supposed to be my restful week, and instead I've spent most of it sleeping terribly and in inexplicable stomach pain featuring nausea, existing with my waking hours in the bathroom. I learned my body definitely doesn't like sesame seeds in one way (it's fine in another), since it was a bit grumbly about it, but that was Sunday; Wednesday daytime it decided to scream, and continued to scream, until the early hours of Friday morning. I only ate once on Thursday, and that was less a choice of "it's settled" and more "I haven't eaten for 28 hours, I need to eat something". And even then it screamed today over lunch for several hours... it hasn't screamed over dinner and the nausea finally let up, although it's still a bit gripey, so I'm hoping it's calming down over its erratic upset...

S17 of Overwatch is... something of a letdown, skins wise. ( i'll never leave and i know this but why do we have to suffer so )

In the throes of the terrible tummy ache I tried picking up a new game, After Us. The Earth has been destroyed by the devourers (humans) and it is a commentary on consumerism and environmental damage, and it's Gaia's duty to rescue animal spirits. I was having fun with it; it looked beautiful, the platforming had terrible moments with depth perception, but it was doable once it gave you access to your dash about five minutes of basic jumps in.

It was mostly just, visual enjoyment. Vibes. Linear exploration. And then it throws enemies at you: but this is a game without a combat system. ( how to exclude your casual audience after they're invested: don't do this )

Now I have to find something else to play. I might make a list of what I have access to next time.

It's been really humid at night so I've been struggling to sleep, and am thus not really trying for another hour or so (past dawn)... this bodes ill when it's going to be 30c until Sunday.

Drives week in Overwatch begins tomorrow, so here's hoping the games are clean so I don't have to fight my own teammates in a heatwave. My duo and I did our open placements earlier in the season so we are READY with OPTIONS. We've been doing a stadium game a night, mostly; we've gotten really good at one tricking our chosen picks and can turn games around using them and our inane survivability on stalling points. Tonight I got to elite (yay)!! ...honestly stadium is fun despite my earlier misgivings for it, although they still apply; it's heavily dependant on having a game plan and playing with somebody else. And at times, dragging your underperforming Cassidy kicking and screaming toward the finish line whilst you have double his cash. Lol.

Because we've been doing a lot of stadium we've been making a decent chunk of comp points naturally. Galactic weapons as a substitution for next season's BP and shop being full of stuff for heroes I don't play? Yeah. The sakura themed skins may put me in mega danger, though.

I'm still thinking about furniture. I have ideas. ( the conceptual ikea haul has progressed to multiple pieces )

Finished my first pass at Estelline's fic! This is particularly good, since I wasn't able to write for seven days and it was driving me a bit stir crazy. I cut about 5k words, so now it's 55k in total. I need to go through it again for final checks but it's in a state where it can soon be posted, which is deliberately timed with me finishing Heavensward; I've been getting Sorbet through the initial push of levelling a first DOW job through 80/90, plus her DOH/DOL and it's going reasonably well, she got lucky with some GC handins so one DOH is at dwarves already, WHM is 77, she should get picto over the weekend which opens up the arksadora dailies and hunts sprint - but back to Estelline, the focus on Sorbet was a result of not having the capability, physically or mentally, to really focus on MSQ, so I took a small break (and played Caravan SandWitch on the side. I liked it! Not sure if I'll ramble about it yet, I might). I'm hoping to do 3.4 and 3.5 over the weekend and have her set up for Stormblood.

Stormblood will be a mixture... I left off with Ai following the liberation of Doma, so I'm going to do the initial Ala Mhigo part with Estelline, get her to Kugane with doing Sirensong, and then swap over to Ai to play out the other half. As I have the opportunity to see the plot hooks back to back without several weeks of Doma in the middle and time for my brain to forget, this feels like a good chance to take it.

This week has been very noisy. My upstairs neighbours are having work done on their bathroom, which I found out at 8:15am on Monday when the hammering and drilling and buzzsawing started. Sometimes over my head, because the connecting wall is the wall I sleep against. The workmen have been here every day since through about 2-3pm - except for yesterday, when they were here until 6pm. :') this was Bad as my desire for No Noise Time had to take precedence over sleeping so I got like. An hour and a half of actual sleep before the morning chorus. I did drown it out a bit with a fan today to try to get a little more, but unfortunately that means I have to listen to the fan, which as we already know, is not a real solution... being housebound is awful sometimes.

Thing is I know the size of their bathroom. It's the same as mine. It's miniscule. I'm hoping it's a week and done, I don't want to imagine this next week with groceries PEM, it's bad enough as is. My weekly things, aside from noise, are done after next Tuesday, so I can have a bit of a break and go back to trying to tackle the folate problem and also the GP-do-your-job problem, and maybe, just maybe, have the energy to look at a several thousand page catalogue of what I want for my bathroom renovation, lmao. rip.

It's maintenance, it's been a week, figuratively and literally. The post groceries PEM only really started to lift yesterday (Sunday) and I still feel sluggish and as though I'm moving through wet cement, and that's with all my precautions. I should not leave the house on Wednesday for a blood test, but given they've made me wait six weeks for it, I don't really have a choice...

Food wise, I am mostly back to pre-November levels of paradoxical diarrhoea and constipation, by heavily restricting my diet, upping the fybogel, and taking gaviscon during the day with omeprazole at night. Some foods I don't fucking get. There is nothing in them ingredients wise that I have an aversion to, but they keep causing problems. Others are like, okay, is there too much fat content in this meal overall, and if there isn't, having cheese with it will be fine. What's really pissing me off though is that I was eating well before I started having these aversions. Now I can eat a fraction of that. I can eat like, four whole vegetable types, everything else is off the table, possibly permanently. There isn't much more of any food to get rid of, and that's what troubles me. It's done this once. Twice, if you count gallstones. What happens if it does it again?

And really, it's same old same old, as it has been since early 2022. I wake up physically and mentally languished. I have zero energy. Food will get me energy. But eating means I have to suffer the consequences of having eaten, but I have to do it, or else my head will not stop hurting. It takes a significant amount of mental fortitude to do this day in day out, especially when it is the only thing you do. Like. I don't think health care gets this. I would have stopped eating a long time ago if I could. The most I can hope for and have again achieved is to get to a point where my paradoxical diarrhoea is "manageable", where it happens regularly at the same time every day, but it's still there. It's nice not to have constant pain and nausea from the gallstones, but the trade-off has been a heavily lowered baseline to the point where I still can't see people and have to be more conservative with my energy than ever.

And it quite frankly sucks. Add in the fact my body is trying, and failing, to have a period, and is fighting the PMDD related brain gremlins... I don't have the energy for facing this. I fully expect my blood tests to come back as "you're fine" because they always do. Yeah, sure. I'm fine but you checking this has me paralysed in bed. Sure. Sounds fantastically fine.

I'm still working on Estelline's fic, on and off, to keep my mind watered, have been trying to play Heavensward when I can recall the last line of dialogue that was just on screen, poor levels of success. It's funny because fic is mostly just Sad. No one is having a good time. There's three sex scenes and they are all Sad, the two aftermath scenes following them are Sad, everyone is miserable. Until the end, when it becomes a bit more bittersweet. Classic Heavensward tbh.

I am, I think, mostly done with gpose... I lowered the amount for Prih, because actually, the moment I want you to see her for the first time is when Estelline really sees her for the first time, when she saves her life. It's visually poetic. The only thing I need is more Artoirel, but, patches. He moves around in patches. Please uncross your arms at least once, sir. I beg.

What else... I returned to Stadium in Overwatch, which I still don't really like. ( i am enjoying it more now that I figured out what to do with it but it's not really what I'm here for... )

I've not really stopped picking up figures, but the last time I added to my collection in any way was in 2023 - an Aloy nendoroid, which I preordered in 2022. And before that, some other P/O's and ebay scouting for Ashe's nendoroid (she was expensive in the aftermarket, but I got her).

The thing is is like. I have such a hard time taking care of myself with all my health problems I have not been able to dust my flat in three years. I tried, last summer; insert wisdom teeth issues. I should try again, but I am once again in a state of if I move my abdomen too much in any direction, I feel cripplingly nauseous and sick. If I can't clean what I already have, and most of my figures are still in boxes, it follows I shouldn't get more. I have the money to do so, I just. Feel like I shouldn't. A no cleaning Rems does not deserve visual closure enrichment. But I really would like to at last get a display cabinet set up somewhere, and there are still some...

( Kotobukiyas )

( Nendoroids and figmas )

( Pop Up Parade )

( Statues )