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Winter blues
Jan. 17th, 2026 03:25 amI am swaddled in clean bedsheets... a post before I zzz.
After finishing Silksong, I was left with a pressing need to play Shadowbringers - in part because a cluster of notes from the Act 3 bench/bellway theme is identical to the Shadowbringers motif and I just kept humming it, and in part because it's very thematically on point, and it's been long enough that whilst I of course remember key beats, it's enjoyment of all the little details I didn't notice the first two times. Such as the Exarch telling you about sin eaters congregating around a light warden (cough this is Vauthry foreshadowing), and following Holminster, Alisaie runs off back to where you slew Tesleen by herself. Because, as the carer's at the inn mentioned, they don't have a body to bury (and Tesleen cared about that sort of thing), and so many npc quests in ShB involve fetching possessions for departed loved ones because it's all they have to remember them by... I think she went to give her a burial. She died a sin eater - no corpse. But perhaps, given how important they had become to one another, she had something of Tesleen's. This doesn't break my heart at all. :)
Either way I am slowing working through it with Khlip! Ai was also launched through Stormblood and patches, a feat I was surprised I could keep pace with and that my memory wasn't being dodgy about, or my concentration wasn't waning after a couple of quests. Best to take advantage of it whilst I can. I'm trying to get Warrior to 80 (he started at 75, he's 78 rn) and then I'll work on other roles (for Cylva, I need Cylva in 5.3). It doesn't have the same for the first time impact, but this is a story I love dearly and is close to my heart...
Also there's just something about Holminster in situ when you're fully comfortable with it??? What a fantastic set piece and bosses?? It's just incredibly satisfying. Amh Araeng and its everlasting light gave me a bit of a headache after an hour or so, but I put on sunglasses (lol) and my brain calmed down, which is still a million times better than a migraine after ten seconds in Solution 9 (lol).
Had some food issues last week which took about five days to clear up, sigh. I tried to add in some tikka paste that was flavouring and onion less, and my body accepted it... until five hours later when the screams of the damned began, and I reckon it was probably spices it wasn't happy about 😭 it was not nearly as bad as onion and I could still sleep and rest but man. I was really hopeful about that one and having another option for dinners. I have something very similar ingredients wise for a dhal I was going to try, but atp I don't know if I should bother... there's only so many weeks you can lose to food problems, I have not missed it...
Potato starch seems to be going okay though, I've been snacking a lot on lentil crisps (oops). I should probably put a stop to this it's been nearly a month. But, brain demons. I keep having a lot of bad nights, and creative anxiety. I am trying not to think about my lack thereof and just give myself a break and grace as well as lenience but the current AI hellscape is not getting any better and it just feels too hard to keep trying (plus self doubts). I don't want to give up, but I've had to give up so much else... I'm down to a handful of things as it is... my dad talks about taking me places if I want but lmao I can't go, I can't leave the house, leaving the house is a week recovery minimum, it's not worth it unless I have to for emergency medical care. And I had to nix that to tolerate watching him build furniture. I don't see me making it another thirty years.
But yeah I gotta. Try to find the energy to find lightbulbs that don't upset my eyeballs for the kitchen (I've been trying for six months. I have rejected so many) and do more than just a token amount of tidying and sorting through drawers and figure out how I want to store benefit letters and bluhbluh. Tomorrow I have to cook dinner and do some more laundry overnight and every day we get closer to longer days than going dark at 4pm. I am hanging in there by a thread.
After finishing Silksong, I was left with a pressing need to play Shadowbringers - in part because a cluster of notes from the Act 3 bench/bellway theme is identical to the Shadowbringers motif and I just kept humming it, and in part because it's very thematically on point, and it's been long enough that whilst I of course remember key beats, it's enjoyment of all the little details I didn't notice the first two times. Such as the Exarch telling you about sin eaters congregating around a light warden (cough this is Vauthry foreshadowing), and following Holminster, Alisaie runs off back to where you slew Tesleen by herself. Because, as the carer's at the inn mentioned, they don't have a body to bury (and Tesleen cared about that sort of thing), and so many npc quests in ShB involve fetching possessions for departed loved ones because it's all they have to remember them by... I think she went to give her a burial. She died a sin eater - no corpse. But perhaps, given how important they had become to one another, she had something of Tesleen's. This doesn't break my heart at all. :)
Either way I am slowing working through it with Khlip! Ai was also launched through Stormblood and patches, a feat I was surprised I could keep pace with and that my memory wasn't being dodgy about, or my concentration wasn't waning after a couple of quests. Best to take advantage of it whilst I can. I'm trying to get Warrior to 80 (he started at 75, he's 78 rn) and then I'll work on other roles (for Cylva, I need Cylva in 5.3). It doesn't have the same for the first time impact, but this is a story I love dearly and is close to my heart...
Also there's just something about Holminster in situ when you're fully comfortable with it??? What a fantastic set piece and bosses?? It's just incredibly satisfying. Amh Araeng and its everlasting light gave me a bit of a headache after an hour or so, but I put on sunglasses (lol) and my brain calmed down, which is still a million times better than a migraine after ten seconds in Solution 9 (lol).
Had some food issues last week which took about five days to clear up, sigh. I tried to add in some tikka paste that was flavouring and onion less, and my body accepted it... until five hours later when the screams of the damned began, and I reckon it was probably spices it wasn't happy about 😭 it was not nearly as bad as onion and I could still sleep and rest but man. I was really hopeful about that one and having another option for dinners. I have something very similar ingredients wise for a dhal I was going to try, but atp I don't know if I should bother... there's only so many weeks you can lose to food problems, I have not missed it...
Potato starch seems to be going okay though, I've been snacking a lot on lentil crisps (oops). I should probably put a stop to this it's been nearly a month. But, brain demons. I keep having a lot of bad nights, and creative anxiety. I am trying not to think about my lack thereof and just give myself a break and grace as well as lenience but the current AI hellscape is not getting any better and it just feels too hard to keep trying (plus self doubts). I don't want to give up, but I've had to give up so much else... I'm down to a handful of things as it is... my dad talks about taking me places if I want but lmao I can't go, I can't leave the house, leaving the house is a week recovery minimum, it's not worth it unless I have to for emergency medical care. And I had to nix that to tolerate watching him build furniture. I don't see me making it another thirty years.
But yeah I gotta. Try to find the energy to find lightbulbs that don't upset my eyeballs for the kitchen (I've been trying for six months. I have rejected so many) and do more than just a token amount of tidying and sorting through drawers and figure out how I want to store benefit letters and bluhbluh. Tomorrow I have to cook dinner and do some more laundry overnight and every day we get closer to longer days than going dark at 4pm. I am hanging in there by a thread.
